You don’t control me–cancer! I have control again.

Cancer is such a betrayal.  We wake up every morning and expect our body to function.  Even when we feel sick, we trust that our body will heal and we will eventually feel better–that our body has the ability to continue functioning. I think that is why we are so startled and fearful when we suddenly trip and fall, or try to lift something and find we don’t have the strength.  We live in the assumption our body is a tool that works all the time.  It is startling to find it sometimes doesn’t.

Cancer can be even more unsettling. Not only does the body not work correctly as expected, but the body has actually turned on it self and is in self-destruct mode.  It certainly left me with a feeling of having no control–my body was set to kill itself and I was along for the ride.  Of course, there were decisions to make and things I could do to take control over the cancer, but the questions remained: when would my body decide to self-destruct again?  After all, it had made the choice once, it could make it again.  It can be easy to give up our power to make a difference with questions like this floating through our mind.

I have been in this space for almost a year and finally realized I had given up my power to make a difference–to work with my body to let it know how honored it is, how important I believe it to be and to love it by taking care of it.

To take back that control, I committed to training with other cancer survivors for the Danskin triathlon in June.  The training started 2 weeks ago and, while I am sore and realizing how poorly I had been treating my body, it has been incredibly empowering to know I am taking control of my body once again.

I invite you to share in my journey as I take control of my own life, body and health.  For those who have found ways to take control of their bodies after illness or injury, I would love to hear your stories.

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